Mary, my mother, was a fabulously vibrant woman of 59 who practiced yoga and loved long walks in the woods with her dog. She had a loving husband and four daughters who leaned on her for her wisdom and advice even while they charted their own individual lives. Mary was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, 1999. She accepted the news with quiet, determined strength. She started the long journey of breast cancer treatment while still having time to support and encourage her family. She did it all: surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and any other treatment that hinted at promise. She joked that if she had to be cursed with breast cancer she could at least be the guinea pig that might lead to new breakthrough treatments.

She traveled the country with her bright spirit and unyielding optimism. She gave herself over to being poked and prodded and injected at cancer centers. From her native Pacific Northwest to NIH in Bethesda, Maryland then to Cleveland Cancer center, she never lost her sense of humor or her enormous hope. However, nothing worked.

From the moment she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she started preparing her family for her end of life wishes. I will never forget that phone call where she told me the prognosis was not good and continued. "I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of the process of dying." She told us she wanted to be able to choose her own time and circumstances. We understood her wishes; we just didn’t know how to honor them.

The summer of 2003 was bleak as we tried to remain optimistic but knew in our hearts the end was getting closer. She made out her living will and asked us to help her take control of her death. We did some research on the internet and discovered Compassion & Choices. Mary was relieved, she knew she could now stop fighting this disease and end things when and where she wanted to. In early September 2003, she and her husband took a last vacation...a small one, four days in British Columbia. It was there that she realized her days were numbered. She became partially paralyzed and had to return early. Her breast cancer had moved into her brain.

Mary died on September 22, 2003, at home with her family around her with the support of Compassion & Choices. She was 59 years old. Her family will always be grateful that she was ultimately able to spend her last few weeks knowing she had control over her death just as she did over her life.